It's nearing the end of July. The world is in a state of chaos and shock. Military forces are descending on 'facist dictators' across the world. The economy is going down the sink and up in the air. Crime is on the rise. Binge drinking, panic pregnancies and cannabis seem to be part of our day to day lives. Everything is about to end. The prophet has spoken, we have until 21st October to sort ourselves out and to be forgiven.
Then, as he said, as predicted in the book of Revelations, fire and hell demons shall rise up from hell, angels shall descend from the heavens, and they shall attack us. With power weapons, forceshields and Initiative 8. Our only hope, he claims, is to reach out our arms and embrace those around us, lest we be consumed as sinners, rather than redeemed as believers.
That's fine. He can go ahead and do that. I was never overly fond of hugs. I have something far more pressing on my hands.
There's a Team Fortress 2 tournament tomorrow and I've barely practiced!
What if I fail to kill everyone? What if my amazing Pyro abilities fail me at the critical moments? What if, somehow, they manage to capture the intelligence on Two Forts and score a point?!
Just kidding.
I know they're all useless.
They're about as likely to score a point as I am to blow myself up with a crit rock... wait. Er... Fuck.
'cuse me whilst I just go and practice. Someone has to show them how it's done! Suicide is not something suitable for amateurs or first-timers. They might get it wrong, and that's just painful.
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